Can You Have a Healthy Relationship with Your Phone?

Technology comes up almost every day in my therapy conversations. It’s part of our lives whether we like it or not. Every single one of my clients and friends and family have a smart phone. We’ve all seen the headlines or heard people say that being on your phone isn’t good for you. Are we burned out because we have such instant access to everything? Is it slowly destroying our ability to relate and empathize with others? Life is often not so cut and dry, and this is no exception.

The short answer? Based on evidence-based research and my own work as a therapist with clients who are overcoming their anxiety: yes, it is possible - you have to be intentional and aware of yourself, to be able to adjust your behaviors around a device designed to be addictive.

Dr. Sahar Yousef does an incredible job explaining in under 7 min how technology is designed and affects the brain, and what to do about it. Some immediate takeaways:

• Phones are designed to keep your attention for as long as possible.

• Customize your notifications to fit what you need to know immediately vs. what can wait until later.

• Set your phone color into greyscale, making your brain less stimulated when you look at it.

• Organize your windows and tabs so that you minimize what takes up your visual space.

Ok, so we can organize our phones at a higher level so that they aren’t so enticing - but what about social media? Most of the time I spend on my phone is due to scrolling my endless feeds. According to Margarita Tartakovsky, MS, at HealthLine, there are both benefits as well as the harm we experience:

Downsides:

• Making you feel bad about yourself

• Messing with your sleep

• Contributing to anxiety and depression

• Crowding out fulfilling activities

It’s so important to discuss these with your therapist and process the feelings that come up, changes you can make to your nighttime routine, and if social media or your phone in general inhibits you from doing things you truly enjoy or want to do. In my sessions, I will ask my clients to bring their phone out and intentionally go through their feed while we are in session. We practice paying attention to how they feel as they look at each post or watch each video. I’ll ask, “What do you want from your feed? What values are important to you, even as you’re scrolling?” We discuss the possibility of unfollowing or muting content that leaves them feeling anxious, depressed, or overwhelmed.

Benefits:

• Increasing access to resources

• Highlighting causes of interest

• Connecting you with like-minded people

• Helping you share and sharpen your skills

Increasing the benefits is just as important as limiting the harm. In session, we consider following accounts that provide something enriching, entertaining, or connects with a value that they want more of in their lives. We take time to appreciate the joy and the new things they’ve learned because of social media. And of course, we talk about how long feels like ‘enough’ time spent on their social media feed.

I have seen firsthand how powerful social media can be for causes we care about, especially when it comes to oppression and misinformation that spreads fear. As a mental health professional, I am truly encouraged as I see more and more people engaging with mental health topics and social media has a huge part to play. “Surveys conducted two years after the start of the [mass anti-stigma] campaign showed an 11 percent drop in the expressed belief that the public should be better protected from people with mental health problems and a 17 percent drop in the perception that mentally ill people are dangerous.” (Psychology Today) We need to be exposed to education and people’s stories, seeing ourselves in others, in order to empathize and expand our humanity. It’s really the only way we change.

After all of this intentional work, my clients and I find it easier to put our phones down. It becomes what it was meant to be - a tool that we can choose to use to our benefit. When you know what you need from your phone, instead of running on auto-pilot, you can absolutely have a healthy relationship with it.

If you are seeking more help or know someone who would like to work with a therapist who can support them in navigating technology’s effect on their lives, send them this article! I’m open for new clients also, so you can sign up for a free consultation here.