Staying Sane in a Chaotic World
I see the effects of burnout every single day. Since working as a therapist in 2019, I’ve seen (and experienced) all kinds of varying degrees of burnout from work stress (the most common) to political stress to the pandemic to relational stress to well, now—the culmination of all of it and the election of an administration that lays bare what we’ve known about our country all along: corruption is mixed into our foundation. I’ve been working in mental health throughout the loneliness epidemic. It’s absolutely no wonder at all to me that we’re tired, overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, dissociated, and lost.
The way we engage with the Internet has made it normal to ‘drink from the firehose’. Constant information with constant sources with varying reliability and emotionally hooking us in every direction. Even if you’re not on the Internet, it affects our communities and how we feel as humans on a day to day basis. And because we all have the Internet in our pockets and have a society that is built on individualism, so many of us are alone or feel alone no matter how many people are around us.
I almost titled this “How to Stay Sane in a Chaotic World” because that is an appealing way to get a reader to engage. But I realize today as I write that there are so many ways to do this, and people are living testament to their strategies. We are not just offering tips—we’re doing it. We are staying sane. The memes are jokes and laments of pain we feel. And so many of us are moving through those emotions and finding sources of power within that were always there.
So today, I’d like to share not only from my wisdom but from the wisdom of my clients, the wisdom of my colleagues, the wisdom of strangers who I only know because of the same Internet that overwhelms us.
I see people every day, not only in their burnout but in their strength. In their joy. In their courage. And today, I’d like to share a glimpse of those moments with you through stories. Though I will use an individual pronoun, each of the following are amalgamations of clients and colleagues, friends and family, and myself. None are going to be sharing any identifying information or specific details to a single person, just testament to them being incredible human beings. And I hope if you are reading, you can feel their echoes, connect with your power through theirs.
Staying Sane by Zooming Out
She was experiencing overwhelming panic, work stress, friendship drama, politics weighed on her every day, and for the most part, felt her main stress was focused on her relationship—wondering if she should stay in the relationship or break up. It felt so acute at times that she was experiencing panic attacks while driving or riding in the car. With processing and clearer boundary setting, she discerned the very difficult choices ahead of her. Zooming out, she saw that she projected a lot of her past onto her romantic relationship. She struggled for awhile to decide whether she wanted to be on medication. Finally, with the right support system of friends and medical providers who actually listened to her, she got on the correct dosage and found her world come back into clarity again. After stepping back many different times in therapy, in fact, it wasn’t her relationship with her fiancé but in fact her relationship with her job that needed to change. It demanded too much of her, she had given her all and still never felt like she was good enough. She left her toxic workplace and went to a new job that was better but ultimately had toxic elements too, and then eventually started her own business. She has new challenges ahead of her, and at the same time, she’s glad she chose them.
Ways I’ve Seen People Zoom Out
Leaving their usual environments and going somewhere new to help their brains break out of their usual cycles
Using a defusion journaling activity, for example: write down each stressor or negative thought on a separate post it note and then writing other priorities in their lives on separate post it notes and rearranging them to find a priority or strategy that works for them
Speaking with a trusted friend who can both hear their feelings and also offer a new perspective
Going to the ocean or on a hike
Taking my suggestion that we put a particular issue “on the shelf” while we address smaller, more manageable tasks first
Going to their preferred version of movement or somatic soothing, such as walking, dancing, singing, yoga, getting a massage, screaming into a pillow, crying, throwing axes, stretching, playing sports
Staying Sane by Refocusing
They were having issues concentrating on their day to day tasks because of the news. Every day, they were doomscrolling, inundated with the many people who were in pain. “How could I ignore the pain of others? How can I turn away? I have to be informed… how could I live with myself if I did?” they would ask over and over again. They were staying up later and later into the night because they would need to make their deadlines or finish chores after reposting and engaging with people online. They were involved in local liberation movements and feeling like that still wasn’t enough. I saw them shift once we named the emotions of shame and guilt, which kept them locked into cycles of doing and giving without feeling effective, both in their work and liberation life while also in their personal life. Part of this felt like accepting the practicality of the ‘put on your own mask in the airplane’ strategy and part of it felt like accepting that they were worthy enough to take care of themselves too. Setting boundaries with loved ones was really hard at first, but over time it got easier and easier. By allowing the right balance of caring for themselves and others, we found clarity on what would help them feel most effective and also connect with real feedback from others they could trust. Today, they can engage with the world and say confidently, “It’s hard but I know every day I’m doing good work. I’m surrounded by an amazing community and that gives me hope every day.”
Ways I’ve Seen People Refocus
Revisiting values is a huge practice we do together whenever we need it, I recommend this at least once a year with everyone
Name feelings or parts of themselves that keep them stuck in loops and develop a healthier relationship with them, this will help loosen the stuckness
Another way of looking at values is exploring your “why”
Naming their confusion with a trusted friend and exploring their feelings in therapy to sift out what truly matters
Staying Sane by Letting Go in Order to Receive
He had such a hard time saying “no”. He was taking care of so many things for so many people, it’s hard to even keep track of all of them. His schedule was filled to the brim with responsibilities; working in a school was absolutely his passion but at the same time he felt other needs of his calling to him, his health, his rest, his safety, even his desire to have a family—but it was hard to recognize them as valid. He felt like he was the only one who could do what he was doing—for everyone. On top of that, he felt the weight of Asian Hate bombarding the news and feeling very protective of his elders. Part of his growth came through recognizing how hard it was to let go of the things he did and the guilt he felt if he said, “no” or “I can’t”. It was a journey of exploring the messages about being a man that no longer served him, of allowing strength to be held in receiving help from others, and of learning how to trust himself and others even when he wasn’t doing everything. He felt more free, more effective, and more himself again.
Ways I’ve Seen People Let Go to Receive
Practice letting go in small ways or even mimicking the motion of letting go somatically
Mindfulness practices of paying attention to the body and understanding the relationship between doing and being
Naming or paying attention to who shows up for them or who shows up for others reliably
Coming to therapy is a way we practice letting go, allowing the therapist to hold the emotions with them and then slowly learn to trust who feels safe
I used to believe that you just did everything you could to avoid pain and then your life was overall wonderful. But the older I get, the more and more I realize: suffering is and always has been present somewhere. Sometimes it’s more acute, more intense, more in your face. Sometimes it’s a dull ache that hums like a dissonant tune, layered over your mundane tasks. Sometimes it’s in the background, barely noticeable. But it’s always there.
Our lives in the U.S. are changing on scales we haven’t seen in a very long time. We are allowed to be afraid, angry, terrified, frustrated, and confused. Each of us can find ways to keep safe and sane; and they will all be unique to us and the communities that hold us.
