How to Scroll Without the Doom
In light of the recent election and, really, everything that has been happening this year and… well we could keep going forever. It’s become more and more clear to me every day that learning how to reimagine our relationships with our phones is more important as every unprecedented moment in history keeps happening.
This entire week, friends and acquaintances, strangers on the Internet, have all been expressing various feelings: despair, hopelessness, fear, worry, frustration, and deep well-founded rage. These feelings often prompt us to open our apps, scroll through the pain, and search for meaning and solutions. However, more often than not, we find ourselves spiraling, sinking into more doubt and feeling our pain echoed, mitigated with bursts of dopamine from funny, unrelated videos and memes to distract us long enough to keep going.
Social media is pervasive in all aspects of life; even if you don’t use it you’re being influenced by it. From the economy to how people share news, it’s become embedded in every system of modern life. Because of this, if you are using it, it is more important than ever to know how to do so safely and mindfully. There are definitely strong, research-based reasons for the recommendation that we put our phones down and severely limiting or even ending our use. And—for many of us, this is simply not where we are. I believe, as both a therapist and a human, to meet someone where we are now (including ourselves) is essential to lasting change.
I’m going to keep repeating these 3 things over and over again in all my posts about social media so it’s important to keep these in mind.
3 Basics of Social Media 101
It is intentionally and solely designed for profit by people who study the brain. Social media companies profit when they keep you on as long as possible.
Emotions, especially strong ones, dictate mindless usage. Fear is the loudest.
Social media can easily manipulate your emotions because it enters your brain from a vulnerable and trusted place: your phone. It feels like it’s yours and you can control it. But so much of technology is designed to disrupt your self-control.
All of this being said: we are going to use our phones. And if you’re reading this, then you aren’t planning on deleting your app or throwing your phone away. Therefore, we need to learn how to scroll without the doom. I want to guide you through practical steps, which means this post requires participation. Bring your phone, put it in front of you, and take a moment to walk through each step.
1) Start with Your Baseline
iPhone users:
Go to Settings > Screen Time > See All App & Website Activity
Under the “Week” tab, you should see a bar chart at the top. Swipe right until you see 1 full week of time.
Note the top 3 categories, which should be listed underneath the chart in varying colors. (Ex. Mine are: “Social”, “Productivity & Finance”, and “Games”)
Note the Total Screen Time for the week.
Android users:
To find Digital Wellbeing as an app, open it in your Settings app and tap Digital Wellbeing & parental controls, then turn on Show icon in the app list.
The first time you open Digital Wellbeing, you need to set up your profile.
Open your device's Settings app.
Tap Digital Wellbeing & parental controls.
Tap More, and then Manage your data.
Note the categories and time spent on apps.
For all: What feelings come up for you? Are you surprised? Are you feeling worry or guilt or discomfort of any kind? Is it more neutral? Write them down.
Feelings (yes, all of them) tell us 2 types of information. They point to values, aka what is important to us. They tell us when we need to rebalance between different parts of us that may be conflicting with each other. They also point to needs. Sometimes these are physical needs, such as “I’m grumpy, which indicates that I’m tired and I need a nap” or social needs such as “I feel lonely, which indicates I need to find ways to connect with others and/or myself in a different way than I am now”.
If you can name some needs and values, this is a huge step in the right direction to allow you to free yourself from the cycle. If it seems more difficult, simply start with one desire that brought you here: you want to change how you feel and how you behave around your phone. It’s important to you because _______.
2) Choose Your App
After looking your data over, choose the app that has the most usage time. This is often the place you are getting sucked into rabbit holes and doomscrolling. Answer these questions:
Why did I join this app?
What benefits do I receive from using it?
What experiences do I want to reduce or change while on this app?
What feelings do I want to / feel compelled to experience while using it?
What values would I like to guide me when I use this app?
3) Re-Evaluate Your Feed & Follows
Set a timer for 5 minutes.
For each post, stay there for 10 seconds. Review your answers to the previous questions. Does this post pass the requirements? What about the account?
Does the post engage in inflammatory content? Does it trigger strong emotions in you? Are you ok with this? Are there values that allow you to stay engaged while also allowing for values-aligned actions? (Ex. Social justice and advocacy content: I want to be educated on current events and movement gatherings. Seeing posts about genocide, connecting with grief, are necessary for my education and inspiring action. OR Seeing posts about genocide on this account continuously overwhelm me and disconnect me from my community and my power. I feel shame and paralysis, which does not help the movement. I want to engage with other accounts that allow me to enact change.)
If it does not feel aligned for you anymore, is there room to mute or unfollow this account? Do you want to replace it with other accounts instead?
If it does, how do you want to engage with this content more intentionally? Do you like or comment to connect with the content creator? Do you want to send posts like this to friends to connect with them? Do you want to save posts for yourself to remind you of the value shown in this post?
Repeat this for at least 5 minutes each day.
I recognize that this is only the start of shifting your entire relationship with something that has developed over the course of the past 15-20 years of our lives. My hope is that we can address these changes now and prepare ourselves for the years ahead; years that will require us to be vigilant, reserve our energy for what is effective, and connect with humans with empathy and curiosity while holding firm and steady boundaries. I recognize that there is so much more to be said about the spread of hate, digital safety, and real threats that are perpetuated through social media. And we must start with where we are in order to transform our world.
