How to Navigate the Internet: Post-Election 2024
If you’ve been overwhelmed or felt discomfort in the past few weeks via the Internet: you are absolutely not alone. So many of us use the Internet to span the vast distances between ourselves and everyone else. But we were never taught how it was designed, how it works, and how to use it in healthy ways. If you are like me, you learned the rapidly accelerating modern landscape of the Internet the old-fashioned way: trial and error. Today, more than ever before, it has become clear how important it is to use the Internet mindfully and intentionally, which requires education on how it affects our emotions.
Many of my clients and friends and family are bravely processing the multitude of feelings that have arisen since the election results were released. Anger, rage, disbelief, despair, anxiety, terror, horror, sadness, and helplessness have been so present for many of us. For others, there is numbness; a disconnect from feelings in general. And for others, confusion - I have a few clients and friends who simply don’t understand what is happening, whether in the world, in themselves, or in others. Still others will be celebrating a victory - they will be experiencing hype, elation, excitement, relief. However, some may not realize that even in their victory, they are experiencing residual feelings of fear and anger and defensiveness.
I’ve just named 16 different emotions; there are so many more that could be said. However, it’s rarer to see the names of emotions in comment sections or hear them outside of therapy social media. Much more often, you’ll see memes, tweets, images from pop culture, and of course the ever-present back and forth sparring between strangers that accuse the other of being idiotic.
In order to navigate the Internet, we need to first understand 3 things:
1) Everything on the Internet is Full of Emotion
Show me any random post online and I’ll show you at least 1-5 different emotions. But when we consume social media, news headlines, videos, tweets - we are scrolling so fast that we never even notice how many emotions we just went through. According to some statistics, the average American spends about 2 hours and 24 minutes on social media per day. Within that time, Dr. Jay Van Bavel, a professor of psychology and neural science at NYU, says that the average person scrolls through 300 feet of posts - the equivalent of the height of the Statue of Liberty. 300 feet! I did a little math for you: let’s say a post is about the length of your phone or less.
1 post = 5 inches
1 foot = 2.4 posts
2.4 posts x 300 = 720 posts PER DAY
720 x 2.5 (Chay’s estimated average emotions in a post, between 1 and 5) = 1800 changes in / attempts to process emotion PER DAY
We weren’t made for this. We didn’t evolve for this amount of information.
Our brains are working relentlessly to try to make sense of the onslaught of information that we are receiving. As more and more people use the Internet and become “acclimated” to it, the rates of anxiety and depression have increased. These two diagnoses are broad ways that the brain tries to protect itself from danger: anxiety tries to do it all with limited energy - depression overwhelms the system and hopes to wait until the danger passes. But the danger never goes away; every day we get the endless slot machine remix of funny memes, headlines soaked in terror, and truths and evidence-based facts sandwiched between loads of fluff. And every day, our brains try to sort it all out all over again. No wonder we’re so exhausted.
2) We’re Not Taught to Translate What Emotions Really Mean
I used to believe that every emotion I experienced was rooted in some deep meaningful truth. When I was angry, this meant that either someone had wronged me or I was being an asshole. When I was sad, it meant that I had lost something truly important to me. When I was happy or excited, it meant that I was going in the right direction in life. In behavioral psychology, we call this “emotional reasoning” and many of us never learn that this exists.
This is especially dangerous on the Internet. When we are scrolling and we get “triggered”, aka hit with an unpleasant, uncomfortable, and surprising emotion, we can immediately launch into meaning-seeking. Our brains will do anything to avoid or make sense of discomfort so that we do not experience it again. This made so much sense when the world consisted of only in-person interactions. We could check each other when this discomfort was necessary to endure in order to grow from it. The Internet offers no support in this. It only sends you more content. And it sends you content to keep you online.
When we see a baby cry, our natural instinct is to discover the source of discomfort. Are they hungry? Tired? Do they want or need something? However, as any parent will tell you, babies quickly learn that crying can be separated from an emotion. They can learn to cry to get things and ‘trick’ adults into thinking they’re in distress in order to get what they want.
In our adulthood, emotions are like babies. They can feel really strong and loud, like a baby crying. Sometimes it’s absolutely important - we need to tend to the source of discomfort. Other times, we need to discern and hold good boundaries; I can feel angry or upset, and this is not necessarily telling me that I need to fight someone, but that I need to look inward instead. I need to sit with my discomfort and learn from it: I can’t always get my way, and this feeling - while valid - does not excuse any behavior.
3) Political Campaigns Run On Emotions, But Especially Fear
It would be an amazing world if political campaigns were about the facts and fair process. The reality is, politics run on emotions and relationships—and it has for centuries. Yes, there is always the physical power of one bully defeating another in a trial by combat. But when that power is wielded, it runs on emotion and connections, whether relationships or manipulations (or both). Fear is the strongest motivator by far. We process fear in the oldest part of our brains, so it’s very quick and easily triggered. A politician, especially a dictator, that can instill a combination of both confidence and fear is often successful.
Tr*mp is a textbook narcissist - not just by TikTok’s standards, but by medical diagnosis; if you run through the DSM-5, the manual used by therapists and other mental health professionals, he hits every single criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in spades. Watch any video of him speaking to a crowd, and note how many you can spot:
Grandiose sense of self-importance / Exaggerates achievements and talents
Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited power, success
Believes he is “special”, unique, only should associate with other “special” people
Requires excessive admiration
Interpersonally exploitative
Lacks empathy
Envious of others or believes others are envious of him
Arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
NPD often shows up initially as charming and charismatic. People with NPD can be highly skilled in emotional manipulation, even though they lack empathy. Fear is an easy target for emotional manipulation, and NPD can sniff it out very easily. As we navigate the Internet, it is important that we keep this in mind. Even if Tr*mp doesn’t make the post or headline, his supporters will echo his tactics. His ability to inspire pride and ferocity while also stirring fear simultaneously takes skill. Because of this, it is important that we understand and move accordingly.
Now that we are aware of how the Internet and politics are intertwined and how they will be especially present in the next 4 years, here are 5 strategies I use with my clients and for myself on how to navigate the Internet post-election 2024.
1) Befriend Your Fear From a Grounded Place
Sorry, I started with the most difficult one. But it is the most important also. Without truly knowing our fear, we will be easily manipulated. Fear has an essential job: keep us alive, keep us safe. If we try to shove our fear into a closet or pretend it doesn’t exist, it will seep into every part of our lives. Our bodies are designed with fear in mind. However, if we do the opposite, and let fear guide all of our decisions, we become paralyzed, overwhelmed, and lost.
Instead, start with grounding. Whether through meditation, mindfulness practices such as walking or movement, or mantra, bring yourself into the present. Then take a moment to acknowledge your fear. It is here to keep you safe. It is identifying dangers to avoid. With deep breaths, imagine yourself sitting across from ‘fear’, as though it were a separate person. How do you feel towards ‘fear’ itself, when you look out at it? It’s common to feel frustrated or upset with fear; it is such a powerful emotion and often disrupts harmony and peace. Notice if you can allow for frustration, while also inviting curiosity or compassion.
Fear often feels young, like a little kid, afraid of monsters under the bed. If you can sit patiently with fear, understand that it has an important job while also needing support to help it understand what is real and what isn’t real. With Tr*mp in office again, there are very real horrors that are coming. At the same time, there are a LOT of smoke and mirrors, shadows that turn out to be brooms, especially on the Internet. By listening to your fear with a grounded heart, you can learn to distinguish what is a real threat and what isn’t.
2) Identify Your Intention for The Internet
Why do you use the Internet? If you said, “because I have to”, then we need to do some digging. Yes, we use it for pretty much everything. Do you know when and how you use it?
When we are working, we may find a bit of focus. The Internet is used to send emails, take meetings on video call, and research information. However, in our personal lives, the Internet gets messy. It helps us shop for what we want, find recipes, place sports bets, contact our friends and family, feeds us news headlines, gives us celebrity gossip, accesses our finances, sends us silly videos of dogs and cats… I could write for hours. It does so much. And then there’s the comment sections, the reviews, the feedback… we are lost in a sea of opinions and feelings constantly.
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself: “What do you want from the Internet?” Do you want all of these things? Do you want them all the time? How do you know this? How does the Internet help you get what you need and want from life? How does it distract or distance you from what you need and want in life? Who are you listening to on the Internet? Do you know these people? Do you trust them, respect them? Have you verified their content to be true or useful? Could this be harmful to someone?
My clients and I have developed this idea of a “North Star” in our therapy sessions. The North Star is a set of values that guides us. If you would like to identify yours, download this free worksheet “Find Your North Star” and take a moment to journal and get to know yourself a bit better.
3) Organize Your Screen Time
This is the very practical part of the blog and it is centered around boundaries. Boundaries are statements and behaviors that help you stay safe and respected within your relationships. They are fully within your control. We don’t have great boundaries with the Internet. It took over before we could really understand it. But it’s never too late to start.
Tips to Create Organized Screen Time:
Protect mornings and nights before bed using Downtime (iOS) or Digital Wellbeing (Android) to set timeframes for use. Scrolling social media or emotional news headlines while your brain is still waking up or trying to go to bed is like eating candy. Set app limits wherever necessary to help align you with your North Star.
Get Rid of as Many Notifications as Possible. Notifications are designed by tech companies to prompt you to look at your phone immediately, which research has shown time and time again is hugely detrimental to our health. If you can’t get rid of them (such as urgent work messages), set timeframes on them using Downtime or Digital Wellbeing. You don’t need notifications for social media: Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat—unless you’re using them to directly speak to your friends or have a North Star reason for doing so. You also don’t need immediate email notifications for your personal life, typically. Designate time and systems for checking your messages and close them when you’re done.
Organize your apps in your phone. Put them in folders that make sense to you based on use and category. This will help with allowing your use to fit an intention. (Examples: organize by categories such as finance, social media, medical, shopping, work, school)
4) Use a Critical Lens
So much of the Internet is taken at face value. Our phones being a personal item of ours makes it feel like we can trust it. The phone brings us the Internet, and the Internet can feel like a trustworthy friend that follows us around everywhere we go. We know it’s not something we can always trust, which is why we need to use a critical lens to navigate it.
Questions to ask of any post on the Internet ever:
Who wrote/created this? What is their bias? Do they have any credibility among other trusted humans?
Who benefits from this post, if anyone?
What is the message intended by the creator?
What sources verify any facts shared by this post?
How does this post try to elicit emotion, if any?
How do I feel while engaging with this post?
How does this post align with and/or distance me from my values?
5) Connect with IRL Community
As an introvert, my phone can sometimes feel like my only connection to the world outside of my home. I can get drawn in to the idea that social media is where my friends are, that scrolling on my phone can substitute real conversations. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General released an entire advisory titled, “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation”. The short version: we can’t substitute real connection with social media, especially not the way it’s designed now. Again, as an introvert and an adult who works remotely, I realize how difficult it can be to find places to meet people. I also know how dire it is that we find ways to do so.
One of my values in my North Star for social media is connection. I’ve recently made an effort to be more mindful with how social media serves me: it is there to enhance my connection with my friends and to foster connection with people I don’t know yet. Because of this, I will use social media to send memes to share humor with my friends as well as validate them to know they’re not alone. I also use social media to share mental health content, because I hope for people to feel better connected to themselves and therefore to each other. And when I’m done connecting with people in these ways, it’s become easier and easier to shut it off.
I’ve also found that using social media to set up connections with others has also helped me reach out to people to meet them in real life. I follow groups that set up in person meet ups for fun events, I’ve met colleagues in mental health that are local to my area and interested in collaborating or meeting in person, and I’ve met Internet friends who I may never meet in real life but I can support their small businesses and validate shared experience and education.
For many of us, navigating the Internet post-election 2024 is going to mean taking a tough reality check on how to enact our values in real life, to advocate for those who cannot advocate for themselves or need our voices to join theirs, and identifying support systems to guide us. The Internet can be a place for us to find hope, just as much as it can be a place of fear and terror. We can create these possibilities together, and find our own source of power.
